Lately I have felt a lack of inspiration for anything really blog worthy. Summer was a blast, I got super close to many of my friends. I established some amazing friendships that I am already missing a ton. Getting to know close friends more and hanging out with some of my favorite people made my summer what it was. But who wants to sit and read a blog all about my inside jokes of quoting youtube videos or making amazing blanket forts or quoting Friends in every moment of my day? Being back at school makes me feel like I need to sit here and write some deep theological blog about the intellectual things I am learning. Simply writing that sentence with words like theological and intellectual make me feel like I am trying to be some blogger that I am not. However, reading through some of my favorite authors as well as some of my friend’s blogs, I realize that I don’t need to continue my blogs like last year where they were all about my life in story format. I’m not saying I am no longer going to post things about my sitcom like life, because let’s face it that would be depriving my friends back home of top notch entertainment and that’s just frowned upon. But I am realizing that a huge part of my life right now is what I am learning back at school.
My biggest struggle lately has been expressing my opinion (before my mom interrupts me here with a remark about my sassy comebacks as a teenager—ok ok last week when I was still home) but by opinion, I mean the ones that are describing what I believe in with regards to my faith. I have been afraid that I will say something wrong, or that someone will have huge defending arguments to go against mine and that I will look like a fool attempting to prove my point. I got that from my Dad, I don’t enjoy being wrong. Being at an all Christian school is hard when there are so many backgrounds of churches in Christianity. For example, I never knew how many people were against Rob Bell until his new book came out, but let’s face it I am not going to even start that debate on here, I will get a call from Matt Boling and hear his discussion again =). But what bothers me about this, is for years in leading junior high girls, I always told them to stand up for their faith. During cylinders I would sit with them telling them how to stick up for what they believe in, now I feel guilty of being a hypocrite when I am too terrified to do that myself these days. The fear of acceptance is a challenge that will have to be faced all my life, I guess I just never saw it in a Christian culture where I would assume that everyone would be all supportive and loving in a Christ like manner. Through my classes, I have realized that sadly that is where the most debate and arguing is happening these days. Arguments over the tiniest pieces in old doctrine, that simply should just come down to reading scripture and letting that be the deciding factor. I am tired of holding in my thoughts. I guess all of this rambling is to just tell you guys, that I am going to be more vulnerable on my blogs. I am going to share with you things that are happening in my classes here and time here at Biola. Some might make some of you uncomfortable because religion was never something I talked about with you. But in order to really be “myself “I need to realize that I cannot share parts of me with some people and keep others hidden. I have to be all me or nothing. I am not saying I’m going to become this crazy Christian college girl that only talks about Jesus and throws scripture in your face, but I feel like I need to balance expressing my faith better. Don’t worry, you will still get great videos that are hilarious, as well as updates about the adventures in my life. Really I’m just adding a smarty pants section.
