Break my heart for what breaks yours

Break my heart for what breaks yours

This week has been an interesting week. It started off with an Acts assignment where we are to journal about what we want to see in our studying this semester and how we want to grow in our relationship with God. As I was completing this assignment, I was singing Hosanna in my head, and thought- what would it mean to sincerely pray to feel what breaks God’s heart? As part of the assignment I thought maybe I can focus on these words this week. Well, careful what you pray for…

Let me set a scene, my normal homework routine consists of three things before I am ready to be completely focused; I sit down, organize my workspace and of course check my Facebook. Well as I was creepin’, I come across this picture:

(The person who posted it is a friend from high school who is fighting for gay marriage)

Words cannot describe how I felt. I was filled with anger, disgust and was so sad at the same time. Instantly I thought, wow out of context, but as I looked up the passage, it was simply summarized. What broke my heart was that I couldn’t explain to the ones who loved the post so much that it was written in the Old Testament and that it is the old law that Jesus fulfilled. I never get into religious debates, but this overwhelming feeling consumed my thoughts and within an hour after reading it I felt the need to post something. I simply stated that it was out of context and that it was in the old laws. Knowing that I would get some kind of response, I read the hateful comments of a claimed Atheist who made it clear to me that he was not only close minded about everything I had to say about the topic but also was making it known to everyone how much he hated God. I am not going to sit here and comment about everything that he had to say, nor am I going to quote him, out of respect for him as well as not gossiping about the situation (even though it is open on a conversation for everyone to see). But reading his comments had me sitting back and attempting to grasp how anyone could view the world this way. I have come across claimed atheists before, however this conversation was so different than anything else. It might have to do with lack of knowledge, but his twisted view of God as an evil mass murderer broke my heart.

I thought about him all day, as well as have been praying about him, hoping that the seed of truth that I might have planted on Facebook (so silly right?—but we do live in a technologically absorbed era) will someday grow into something bigger. Is this pain that I felt after reading this conversation the same sort of pain that God feels when he feels heartbreak? This conversation was all that I have thought about all weekend. Praying for that kind of heartbreak is not something that should be taken so lightly simply because we like that song. What was even worse is that he is not the only one that is having these opinions towards God. Could you imagine the heartbreak God feels there?

Even though this deeply saddened me, I feel as though it was a great experience. I know I didn’t even come close to breaking through to the guy, however it made me look into my faith further in order to defend it. Even if it was simply reading the passage that he stated. But his comments allowed me to reflect as a form of defense on how powerful God really is and how much he has done for me and everyone that I could not even kind of imagine an atheist lifestyle like the guy asked me to. I cannot imagine a world that was not created by such a powerful and relational Creator. Expressing my thoughts over a Facebook feed was hard for me too, since I am not usually outgoing and argumentative with people who are so set in their ways. I am glad that God opened my eyes to this hurt as well as allowed me to see how lost the world is.

I have quoted this many times before but this couldn’t be more applicable:

“Do not blame the dark for being dark, but blame the light for not shining bright enough in the darkness”

Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.

Time to bring that lamp out.

Possums.Are.EVIL

To fulfill all of the requests to hear the lovely possum story here you go:

Imagine me, the ever so kind tall harmless redhead, coming home from work. As I am walking through the parking lot, still singing some Taylor Swift after my car ride, heading towards my dorm (carrying my life in my purse filled with homework and food, as well as Rafael--by giraffe water bottle) I turn the corner to the dark walkway next to the dumpsters behind the back entrance to my dorm. As I get closer to the dumpster, this high pitched squeal echoes out from the pitch black corner. Now some of you might have not been so blessed to see me completely lose my senses when something absolutely terrifies me, but I almost peed my pants. I freak out, drop my water bottle and take off as fast as I can. I turned around to grab my water bottle and saw this black and white ball of fur with its hair all raised screaming at me. This dang possum apparently found some goldmine of garbage that he did not want to share with me. After I saw what the stupid screaming was I really wanted to throw something at it, out of complete anger and attempt to redeem my pride, but lucky possum is protected by some kind of law that makes it a felony to kill a possum. I am sorry who passed that law? They apparently were not screamed at.

on to year 2

Lately I have felt a lack of inspiration for anything really blog worthy. Summer was a blast, I got super close to many of my friends. I established some amazing friendships that I am already missing a ton. Getting to know close friends more and hanging out with some of my favorite people made my summer what it was. But who wants to sit and read a blog all about my inside jokes of quoting youtube videos or making amazing blanket forts or quoting Friends in every moment of my day? Being back at school makes me feel like I need to sit here and write some deep theological blog about the intellectual things I am learning. Simply writing that sentence with words like theological and intellectual make me feel like I am trying to be some blogger that I am not. However, reading through some of my favorite authors as well as some of my friend’s blogs, I realize that I don’t need to continue my blogs like last year where they were all about my life in story format. I’m not saying I am no longer going to post things about my sitcom like life, because let’s face it that would be depriving my friends back home of top notch entertainment and that’s just frowned upon. But I am realizing that a huge part of my life right now is what I am learning back at school.

My biggest struggle lately has been expressing my opinion (before my mom interrupts me here with a remark about my sassy comebacks as a teenager—ok ok last week when I was still home) but by opinion, I mean the ones that are describing what I believe in with regards to my faith. I have been afraid that I will say something wrong, or that someone will have huge defending arguments to go against mine and that I will look like a fool attempting to prove my point. I got that from my Dad, I don’t enjoy being wrong. Being at an all Christian school is hard when there are so many backgrounds of churches in Christianity. For example, I never knew how many people were against Rob Bell until his new book came out, but let’s face it I am not going to even start that debate on here, I will get a call from Matt Boling and hear his discussion again =). But what bothers me about this, is for years in leading junior high girls, I always told them to stand up for their faith. During cylinders I would sit with them telling them how to stick up for what they believe in, now I feel guilty of being a hypocrite when I am too terrified to do that myself these days. The fear of acceptance is a challenge that will have to be faced all my life, I guess I just never saw it in a Christian culture where I would assume that everyone would be all supportive and loving in a Christ like manner. Through my classes, I have realized that sadly that is where the most debate and arguing is happening these days. Arguments over the tiniest pieces in old doctrine, that simply should just come down to reading scripture and letting that be the deciding factor. I am tired of holding in my thoughts. I guess all of this rambling is to just tell you guys, that I am going to be more vulnerable on my blogs. I am going to share with you things that are happening in my classes here and time here at Biola. Some might make some of you uncomfortable because religion was never something I talked about with you. But in order to really be “myself “I need to realize that I cannot share parts of me with some people and keep others hidden. I have to be all me or nothing. I am not saying I’m going to become this crazy Christian college girl that only talks about Jesus and throws scripture in your face, but I feel like I need to balance expressing my faith better. Don’t worry, you will still get great videos that are hilarious, as well as updates about the adventures in my life. Really I’m just adding a smarty pants section.

One down, one to go.

I do not even know where to begin thinking about how I officially just completed my first year at Biola. It FLEW by! The year has been fantastic, I feel as though I have grown up in many ways (other than taking out the trash without my mom having to ask me). This year has been a blessing, challenge, and definitely made an impact on my life. I have learned what it is like to share a room with someone, not just sharing a bathroom, but a small room, its tougher than the world claims, but thankfully I did not come out with horror stories like some might. I have also discovered the beauty of paying for your own food and groceries, ummm....can I be 15 again where I cannot provide for myself? I cannot believe how expensive food is! Another discovery is the blessing of California gas prices, thank you for guzzling up my pay checks..But most of all throughout this year I have grown in my relationships with friends here as well as for the main reason of going to Biola, my relationship with God.

This semester having my theology class was life changing. Theology seemed too deep for me to grasp before Thoennes' class, however I think the things that I took out of his class are amazing. The beginning of class he spoke about how my generation is living in an "intentionally inattentive" way, always facebooking on our smart phones or texting someone three seats down from you when someone else is trying to talk to you about serious life moments. I felt convicted from the first week of class. However, one of the biggest things that I took away from his class was the image of God, and how EVERYONE bears that image. It sounds so simple and churchy, but when I started to apply that thought to the annoying customer at work that was barking orders at me in an accent that I could not comprehend while giving me death glares of disgust and anger that I couldn't do my simple job and get them a vanilla latte, I realized how much I was not viewing people in this way. It is still a challenge for me to think that even though I might not particularly care for a certain individual, they still bear the image of God. When realizing everyone who I didn't see in that way, I realized how wrong my theological outlook was on life, and gave me a bigger sense of humility in realizing that simply because someone doesn't treat me the right way, or they do not seem to be normal to the rest of the world, i am no better than them in regards to being an image bearer of God. We also discussed how that image of God is objectified in women as well as in men. And how being sinful is seen as a pleasure. I could write an insanely long blog about this class, but I feel like words cannot describe everything that I learned.

I am truly thankful for my first year at Biola. God blessed me in so many ways and with so many new friends in my life. It is weird to be leaving and going home over the summer, but its also very exciting. My university is like a community that I truly enjoy being a part of. A perfect example would be how tonight I walking to my dorm from the parking structure (since there is NEVER parking at Stewart!) carrying boxes to pack up my dorm, and two boys that live below me stopped and asked me if I wanted a ride, they wouldn't take my hesitant "no thanks" as an answer, and were so nice and drove me back. ( this is quote worthy: one of them said "where did you just come from? box land??") Their random act of kindness won them some homemade cookies that they didn't know i had, so i think it was a win for both parties. I am so thankful that my parents were willing to allow me to go to such a pricey school, I know that the experiences that I am having here would not be the same as at another university.


As always....for your viewing pleasure:

13.1

Its been awhile again, but school comes first my friends. =)

I must say that this past week has been amazing. Going home for spring break was really refreshing for me. I was getting extremely home sick after not being home for over four months. Being home and hanging out with all of my friends made me realize how blessed I am. God has not only given me an amazing new group of friends at Biola, but he has continued to bless me with the amazing people back home. I felt so loved with how many people I had to go see while I was home. Despite the extreme business, I loved every second. Even though when I was home for two years after high school and I was becoming somewhat sick of Arizona (not the people), after being gone for so long I realized how truly amazing it is. I have missed everyone there so much. I am looking forward to hanging out with my old group of friends again. Especially my lovely BFF kp, our dorky hilarious times are my favorite. I am so thankful for who God has placed in my life.

Spring Break Favs:

• New record timing for getting home, under 5 hours. I am going with the "there was absolutely no traffic" idea, rather than thinking I was breaking any laws...
• Lunch with Matt Boling followed by an epic double Savers adventure is always a good time.
  
• Karyn Puleo lies claiming she beat me in an egg hunt, there are still 2 eggs missing (real ones might I add) in my backyard, therefore it is a draw because we did not complete the hunt fest.
  
• Playing Scrabble with Vance, Karyn, and Sunshine learning new names for a pekingese dog
• During my lovely PB&J lunch date with Megan Tappan, we discovered that mascara is rumored to be made out of bat poop, however instead it actually has fish scales in it, we are still debating on our comfort level of the new discovery, its a win that bat poop is not in the vicinity of my eye ball, however fish scales isn't exactly my top choice either.
  
• Luke Wright's house is always going to be one of my favorite chill places. Love the conversations that go on there.
  
• Lunch with Erin Long, oh how I miss her.
  
• My mom and I discovered yogurtology, umm delicious
  
• coffee with Cory and listening to his horrific theology of how a platypus came into creation still is making me laugh
  
• Molly's snoring woke me up almost every morning and I couldn't have been more content.
  

Spring break was overdue and extremely needed, it made me excited to come home for the summer.

Just keep running, just keep running
Cheesy title, but you know what, I ran 13.1 miles so I get to say whatever I want. =). After training for three months, discovering muscles that I never knew could be sore, I accmoplished completing a half marathon with Abigail. Dedicating to running around five times a week, we were ready to be done with our insane decision. The race was "fun" despite my minor knee injury around mile 8. My parents were extremely excited that I finally decided I would run, (I do not know if you know me well enough but I tend to be somewhat stubborn to my parents, shocking I know due to my peachy, easy-going personality, but I refused to run simply because they were determined to get me to start running). After it is all done, I have to admit that I enjoyed it, I enjoy the feeling that I have of accomplishment as well as the soreness. I had to hobble around the library yesterday in attempts to get the materials needed for my research paper, and even though I thought I was going to cry every time I stood up, sat down or bent down to get a book of the lower shelf, I love the feeling. Stairs are still a challenge being day 2 after the race, but sadly ( and I hate to admit this in writing) I think that I am going to continue with running and run another. [ew I cannot believe I just admitted that].

For your viewing pleasure:

New Library Adventures:

Lately I have been that girl who closes out the library (please note that it closes at midnight..) Having a test in every class as well as mondo papers and group projects, I have spent more time in the library than my bed. Obviously, spending that much time there I have had to make every experience eventful. Abigail assisted this with letting me know about the moving bookshelves. I have seen these before, but she told me about how people try to run through them. Being the rule follower that I am, I advised to not causing a scene or being loud in the library, that is frowned upon. But at the same time we really wanted to play Indiana Jones and attempt to run through them before they closed. We didn't play, no worries for you library rule followers out there too. However, we did discover that Abigail fits in on of the shelves and we could have closed her in all the way. Very exciting.

My Grandparents 50th

Last weekend my brother and I drove home to celebrate my grandparents being married for 50 years. (Side note that's 10 years before Starbucks coffee started...yeah kind of a big deal). During the drive I found out my brother refuses to listen to a song more than once a day (unless its Katy Perry's E.T feat Kanye). Once we got there the weekend was a blur, but a blast. It was just what I needed to get through til spring break when I can come home and chill with my friends who i miss a ton. The night of the celebration was hilarious. After dinner, we gave them their present, which was a video of a ton of pictures of us all with music and followed by Nunu (my grandma) to cry, so we knew it was a success. Seeing how two people can love each other and have a family like we do, made me realize how blessed I am to have them as an example of what a real marriage looks like. I am surrounded by an amazing family who is full of fun and love. Watching the video that we made for them filled with memories made me reflect on how much fun we have had and how much my grandparents really do for our family. They would come to all of our graduations and try to make it to our birthdays and Christmases. I am very thankful for all that they do, and this weekend was a very great reminder of that.

Top Five:
1. In Abigail's apartment, we were talking about something that cannot be written for the world to read about...but the quote of the night from Jessica after I said "I am worried that he might find me a tad creepy.." Jessica said, "Your identity lies in Christ Jacqueline"...in context it was hilarious.
2. Blasting Taylor Swift in the car while getting pinkberry to cheer up Abigail, Taylor Swift cures everything
3. Sarah, Abigail and I are going to start a Taylor Swift cover band and be called "Saylor Twift" and I will be the lead singer, sure I have red hair, but we can curl it and it will add to our uniqueness.
4. Phone call from Vance Wappel after accidently calling Karyn. His quick whit cracks me up, makes me miss home some more.
5. Being locked out of Abigail's apartment with Daniella, I may or may not have fallen asleep on the porch using her welcome mat as pillow...

Our current obsession in the movie world:

Top Ten of the Week

Top Ten Favorites of the Week:

1. Standing in line waiting for the cheeseburgers to be done, Abigail and I stood in line behind a guy whom we have named bumble bee (reason being he had black hair where he shaved some lines on the side---did that look really come back? and a bright yellow shirt on...creative I know). Anyways we were chillin there having our normal conversations of randomness when out of no where Abigail says to me, with a complete straight face, "My spine kind of grosses me out", (insert my shocked don't know what to say blank stare back at her here) "I mean its so boney like that dinosaur..." the traumatized look on bumble bees face was priceless.
2. Finding out that in every song on Taylor Swift's album covers, she has letters capitalized that have secret messages to who they were written about. My two specific favorites are "Should have said No"which the code said "Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam" (I wouldn't like to be Sam) and the one for "innocent" which is about Kanye that says "Life is full of little interruptions"
   
3. Coming up with code names for certain people that way everyone at Biola doesn't know who we are talking about then using their real name on accident then quickly changing to their code name, someone is clearly going to catch onto our secretive names.
   
4. Telling Cory while Skyping that I was reading for my health class and his response "don't have sex or you will get gonorrhea and die--there you go you are done with homework" and then crystal's burst of laughter
5. Going to Disneyland with Matt Boling was technically last week but I decided to make it in this blog instead. Spread out my stories a tad. We rode space mountain with ponchos, see the lovely picture. We also watched the snake video that is at the end of this blog (stupid yes, but hilarious at the same time), we were saying "I'm a snnnnakke"all day. Riding Indiana Jones and attempting to tell him something in the middle of the ride--doesn't end well with all the noise and movement haha. Going into the Tiki Room was borderline traumatizing. I am 90% sure there was a sacrifice at the end. So many great stories from one trip.
   
6. Pilates with Abigail and Daniella- quote of the night- "Don't disrupt my powerhouse" we figured thats like Pilates "chi" who knows.
   
7. Peanut Butter filled chocolate covered pretzels from Harry and David. its not really an event, but i am thinking about making a day dedicated to them.
8. My dad sending me a dancing singing bunny. Playing it in the middle of the mail box courtyard area and watching everyone walk by laughing was pretty sweet.
   
9. Thursday Morning Talon hangouts with Annalisa, Abigail and Jessica are 2 hours full of laughter.
   
10. During Spanish class while my Spanish teacher was telling us something, she decided to open the door because the heater was on and cooking us all. When she opened it she slammed a student on the other side with the door, then spoke in Spanish laughing and saying sorry.
    

Oh hey stranger

Bethany has convicted me that I have not posted a blog in over 2 months. Holy smokes. I am failing at this blog thing for sure. So I must change these nonsense actions with a post for her viewing pleasure.

A brief catch up in the past two months here are the one liner main events:

• I drove to Arizona all by myself, killer time.
• Got lost attempting to not use the GPS with my friend Abigail trying to get back from the mall.
  
• Attempted to learn all the lyrics to "Can't Touch This" with Michelle, and we only came out with our new favorite line "Super dope homeboy from the Oaktown" say it fast--its golden flo.
• Finally found a classic woody doll that says "There's a snake in my boot" however it doesnt say "somebody poisoned the waterhole" so my search is still on.
  
• Michelle and I discovered the difficulties that must occur when selling icecream on the streets around L.A
• Discovered the brilliance of the movie The Italian Job,
• Turned 21, nbd.
• Discovered that there are more Justin Bieber fans at Biola than I am comfortable with.

• 

Venice, the beach not Italy

For my birthday celebration with my Aunt and Grandparents, we went to Venice beach. Don't let the name fool you. It's pretty much stoner central with a ton of crazy people. So entertaining! We got there and were instantly offered medical marijuana. One man's life motto was "Get rid of the pain and smoke the Jane". I had never been offered so much weed in my life, even at Mountain Ridge high school haha. just kidding there aren't that many weed loving children at that fine location of education. Despite all of the drugs available, the rest of the beach was also very entertaining. There was a local Venice freak show. We didn't go in, thank goodness, but there were some weirdos hanging out there . There was a guy with hair all over his face claiming to be wolf boy, another dude with puzzle tattoos all over his face claiming to be the enigma, and there were also supposedly a lot of animals inside that had either too many heads, too many legs or other things. I was too terrified to go into closed doors with them since they were advertising so much outside and were beyond creepy. We also were delighted to see a cave man dude, Kendra (my cousin) made me take a picture with him, he growled at me at the end. Creepy. Venice was for sure a unique place, I would recommend it for some top notch people watching.

Turning 21

We went to knotts, yes for my 21 birthday, i will always be a little kid its time everyone just realizes that =) -side note i say that while writing this and watching The Princess and The Frog. =). Back to Knotts, I had never been there and had no idea that it was all roller coasters, however i found my new favorite roller coaster it launches you at 80mph as you fly up this straight up and down terrifying metal mountain. My brother and I usually scream obnoxiously for fun whenever on roller coasters but this ride brought out legitimate terror screams as my necklace flew up hitting me in the face then I got air off of my seat on the way back down. I HIGHLY recommend going on this ride before you die. Add it to your bucket list, you wont regret it =). The rest of my birthday was a lot of fun. We went to the Old Spaghetti Factory in Newport, where my mom went for her 21 birthday too, crazy I know. Typically turning 21 involves heavy drinking because you can, but I still have yet to have any fancy adult beverage. I did get to buy my dad a beer at the hotel though. That was hilarious. The bartender asked to see my I.D and I whipped it out like there was no tomorrow. Then he laughed because he realized it was the day of my birthday. I think that he thought that beer was my first drink so he was making a bigger glass that I asked for, I cannot really give his reaction to me justice over typing, it was priceless. I felt like such a dork. Story of my life =). Overall my birthday was fun. I am still waiting on when i can go home and take a new picture for my license so it can go from vertical to horizontal, I have to wait so I do not look 12 on my license that is going to last until 2087. Ha.




Top 5 things I miss about AZ:

1. Fun times with Karyn Puleo
2. hanging out with all the Junior High leaders on Saturday nights.
   
3. knowing how to exit the freeway
4. my giant fluffy bed
5. and this girl: